Tom's Notes

Dear Nephew,

I’ve been thinking about you lately. About your dreams, your worries, and that heavy feeling you sometimes carry—the weight of expectations.

We live in a time where everyone says, “Dream big. Aim higher.” And while these words can ignite ambition, they can also quietly burden us. Expectations, when too high or too rigid, don’t just motivate—they can suffocate.

Psychologists call expectations “mental blueprints”—formed by society, our families, and our inner hopes. But when these blueprints become castles in the sky, built far beyond our current reach, they create anxiety, burnout, and a painful sense of failure. Albert Ellis, a pioneer in emotional therapy, once said: “Unrealistic expectations are the root of most emotional suffering.” I’ve seen it too often—in friends, in colleagues, and in myself.

Let me share a few truths I wish I had known when I was your age:

1. Unrealistic Expectations Lead to Disappointment

The higher you build your dream, the harder the fall when things don’t go as planned. Friedrich Nietzsche wasn’t wrong when he said, “Hope is the greatest of all evils because it prolongs the torment of man.” That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hope—but we must anchor it in reality.

2. Chronic Pressure Destroys Joy

Working under constant pressure to achieve perfection leaves no room for rest or reflection. Herbert Simon, a Nobel laureate, explained this through “bounded rationality”—our ability to make wise decisions is always limited by time, energy, and mental space. When we’re stretched too thin, we can’t see clearly.

Quá Nhiều Kỳ Vọng: Những Nguy Cơ Tiềm Ẩn

Một vấn đề phổ biến trong xã hội hiện đại là việc đặt quá nhiều kỳ vọng vào bản thân hoặc vào một sự kiện cụ thể. Chúng ta thường rơi vào cái bẫy của việc tin rằng mình phải đạt được những điều to lớn, ngay lập tức và hoàn hảo. Nhưng thực tế, không phải lúc nào chúng ta cũng có đủ thời gian, sức lực, và nguồn lực để thực hiện những kế hoạch đó.

3. The Psychological Toll is Real

When dreams don’t match reality, we feel like we’ve failed ourselves. Carl Rogers, one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century, said: “When we chase idealized expectations, we move further away from our true selves.” And isn’t that the saddest thing—to lose touch with who we really are?

But here’s the good news: you don’t need to abandon your dreams—you just need to realign them.

So, how do we manage expectations wisely?

• Know Your Limits

Understanding your time, energy, and emotional boundaries is not a weakness—it’s self-awareness. As John Locke said, “Knowledge is the perception of our own limits.”

• Break Goals into Steps

Instead of chasing the summit all at once, take small, steady steps. Warren Buffett once advised: “Don’t focus on the end goal. Focus on the process.”

• Embrace Failure as Growth

Every failure is a teacher. Like Thomas Edison said, “I haven’t failed—I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.”

My advice to you, dear nephew, is simple:

• Explore who you are, not just what you think you should be.
• Build a support system of people who believe in you.
• Stay true to your goals, but be flexible with how you get there.

Success isn’t a straight road. It’s a winding journey of discovery, doubt, and resilience. Don’t let the weight of the world dim the fire in your heart. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.

With all my love and quiet confidence in you,

Uncle Tom

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